Now what?

I walk out of the office with no prospects, no savings and now no immediate source of income. What a great way to start the new year! But now what do I do?

Honestly, most sane people would start making calls. I went and dropped off the dry cleaning and got my eyebrows done...and I think I stopped by Target and bought a birthday card. We give ourselves allowances, permission to procrastinate or bend and I gave myself some time as well. I don't call it vacation, more like decompression. It only lasted a day and then I was back to my search for my 'something'.

First things first, after that unsuccessful attempt at a career, now I need to look at what I want to do. I love to cook. I've gone through food sanitation class and years of eating out every day-its a special treat to get to cook at home for a change. So I started making a list of bakeries. I also find yoga to be an excellent resource of peace, I added our local studio to the list of potential employers. I figured if I could find a part-time job to help create a stream of income to possibly cover most of my bills AND teach me more about a trade I was genuinely interested in, I would be quickly ahead of where I was yesterday. I just need someone to tell me 'yes'. That 'yes' is going to be the beginning of my next chapter.

To New Beginnings...

I love the self-help section of the bookstore. Do they even call it the self-help section anymore? So many great titles that entice those of us looking for something. But I peruse the isle searching not for help necessarily, but for my 'something'.

At this time I had been working for over a year for an insurance company as a financial rep-basically an insurance agent. I was brought in my last year of college for their internship program and the promise of a career waiting upon graduation. I was 28 years old when I began the internship. I was working as a bartender as well and had a significant history in restaurant management. I was getting ready to graduate with a degree in psychology. Not the most cohesive resume-trust me, I know and I've seen brow furrow across the desk a few times. This is probably why as I'm walking through Barnes & Nobel I'm asking myself the question that has been plaguing me for the last couple years: 'Where am I going?'

I didn't know and all the titles are telling me to go get 'it'. Get what? I didn't know what I was looking for! The insurance company appealed to my sense of responsibility, family, structure and potential income. The bartending I was beyond ready to quit and the psych degree? Something I started when I was 20 and in community college, when I had ideals, hadn't taken statistics yet nor read the hundreds of studies written in APA style. Upon returning to college at 26, the school of life had not taken the psychology route in the least.

But what was MY 'something'? Still, I graduated, got a 'big-girl' job and went to conventions, had a big office, an assistant and business expenses. I began feeling more lost than ever. Anxiety attacks started to occur, something I've never had before. They paralyzed me from doing anything, seeing people and going into work. The smallest task was impossible and felt like a mountain of work I hadn't the energy to climb. I lashed out, blamed everything and everyone for adding to my stress and my wonderful boyfriend and I started going to couples-counseling. To add insult to injury, due to my inactivity I wasn't making any money (strict commission only job) and had created significant credit card debt in addition to depleting much of my savings. All within a year.

The day I was in Barnes & Nobel, it might have been the true day I decided to quit. I came across Bethenny Frankel's new book, 'A Place of Yes'. I've liked her since she was on the Real Housewives, her witty quips and no b.s. honesty make her feel like family. Chapter four is entitled: Everything's Your Business-Finding my stride as an entrepreneur. She points out that this rule isn't limited to work, but to life as well. That line brought me back to my looming question: 'Where am I going?' and gave me an opportunity to change the way I had been thinking about that question.

'Where am I going' is too vague. Its too subject for frustration and gives too much opportunity for procrastination. So I changed my question to: 'What in my life isnt working?' If my life is my business, then I need to pull back and work on my life a bit before determining whats next.

This was Christmas time, and I took the time off to really think about what wasn't working. I was almost out of money and I knew the first thing I needed to do was stop the flow of money pouring out of my wallet and regain some control over my life. So, the beginning of the year 2012 I walked into work and handed my boss my letter of resignation.

I felt better instantly.

I found my steamer for $14!!! Hello tamales!!!

Fall into some comfort food: Shepard's Pie

Its been awhile since I have posted. Fall brings on a busy schedule between the return of school and gearing up for the holidays. My schedule went from minimal responsibilities to minimal free time and unfortunately that has impacted my blog and much of my cooking...

Recently, I forced myself to stop and Larry came by again for a modified NB. We had dinner instead and I made Shepard's Pie.

I like to use ground sausage as opposed to hamburger because I like the flavor better. Traditionally, this dish is cooked with ground lamb. Ive never tried it, but I do enjoy lamb, so keep an eye out, I may try that next!

1 lb ground sausage
2 cloves minced garlic
1 small onion diced
1 small green pepper diced
6-8 med potatoes, boiled & mashed
1-2 cups shredded yellow cheese
1 can (10.5oz) cream of mushroom soup
1 can (10.5oz) green beans, drained

Cook sausage, garlic, onion and green pepper until sausage is fully cooked. Drain and cover bottom of pie plate with the mixture. Top meat mixture evenly with green beans and then top evenly with soup. Over the soup spread the mashed potatoes. Cook, covered, in 350 degree oven for 45 minutes. Uncover pie and top with shredded cheese. Cook 5 more minutes. Serve.

Enjoy!

My tongue hates me right now...

Ive always thought at times my family feels sorry for me. They often send me home with more groceries than I need or bring me things I'll never wear...but now Im convinced that they are trying to kill me.

I just ate one of the worst things I had in YEARS! It was a meal where you 'just add water' and it was given to me by my mother. I didnt really think I was going to use it, but I thought, 'hey, if Im in a pinch, it cant be that bad'...and so today I was trying to make room in the pantry for some home-grown home-canned veggies and I had these two 'just add water' boxes occupying a large amount of space. So I decided it better to use them than throw them away. From time to time, Im wrong. And today was one of those days.

The first was a chicken n biscuit with potato thingy. My 8x8 pan rolled its eyes at me as I put in the potato flakes which, for the record, I have never used in my life! They are quite the science experiment, I felt like I was suddenly in the Jetsons and Rosie was going to pop through the retractable door to finish the job!

I poured over the can of 'gravy', mixed the 'biscuits' and put it in the oven.

It looked ok...not much different then when it went in. I got the distinct impression that the oven was just a formality though. I could have just ate the packaging and had a better dinning experience. Blech!

The second is a carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. After my first encounter, Im kinda afraid to eat it...

I feel its rather condescending to give advice after my little diatribe. But I will say, I need to seriously reevaluate my relationship with my mother because Im now convinced I must have made her very angry lately! ;)

Dont Enjoy!

Potato Water & Soup

I love how good food tips come from random conversations...when my older sister was in town, my mom made potato soup for dinner. As mom was working on the soup, Joy & I were watching and catching up. Then I saw my mom do something kinda odd. She poured off the first 1/2 of the water from the boiling potatoes and then poured the rest into a canning jar, put the lid on it and set it aside.

The water was foggy and contained quite a bit of sediment, layering in a heavy pattern in the jar. When I inquired as to what she was doing, mom replied, 'Im saving it for more soup.' Joy and mom proceeded to explain how the 'potato water' was a wonderful substitute for water in soups. Especially, cream based soups! The 'good stuff' left in the water thickens up broth bases and adds another element to cream bases.

Potato water will keep for about a week in the fridge and can be frozen for later use!
Try it and let me know what you think!

Canning Tomatoes...an Update!

So while I was canning the tomatoes, I was kinda worried that I may not be able to tell if the tomatoes sealed properly or not.


And ya know? I think Ive figured it out!